DanteCrestfallen

I don't care that you hate me. I don't care what you think of me. I no longer care about any of that. I just want you to know, that no matter what has come out of this, my promise still holds true... I will always be there for you.

I'm so lost. I tried going on a date with someone who claimed they liked me and cared about me tonight, but of course it turns out those feelings weren't there. Maybe happiness is not meant for me.

At least one thing came out of tonight. I learned that I truly am unlovable. You made it obvious, she solidified the point. On the plus side, that just means no tears will be shed when I'm gone. No sad feelings felt. I will just disappear and be forgotten...

I honestly don't have anything comforting I can say...
We made promises, and I've tried my best to hold onto them.
The only one I will probably end up breaking is the living promise...
You and I created an ultimate bond when you went through with the collaring ceremony... and to me, that still holds true... In my mind; I still belong to you... That doesn't matter though, I know you want nothing to do with me...

I still keep the collar and bracelet you made me in sight, same with the birthday gifts.

I don't even know why I bother waking up anymore...

I gave you my heart with that necklace, and I'm sure you've disposed of that long ago, I have nothing left. You were my world, you were my hope, you were the reason I woke up.

If it makes things better, you gave me an extra two years to live. I was planning to end it before we met, so you kept me going.

I don't see why my disappearance from existence would bother you; it's not like you want me in your life anymore, so my disappearance will make that easier...

Just know, I only did what I did in the summer to try and fix everything, not to seem obsessive or appear to be a stalker...

I still love you... dearly. I wouldn't have said those words if I didn't mean them... In fact, you're the only person I've ever said those words to in my entire life...

What do you want me to say?
Everything is fine? I'm happy? I want to live?
I can't. I already told you I can't, and you know I can't.
I cry myself to sleep every night thinking of you, and all that runs though my mind is how much you hate me...
How all of this is my fault...
How I don't deserve to live...
How I wish everything could go back to the way it was...
This all haunts me. Every night. I haven't had a peaceful night since.
I haven't had a happy day since.
I just want to know you're alright.
I just want to hear your voice.
I just want to talk to you.

I just want to end it all...

I caused you all this pain, and I know you blame me. I know you hate me, and I just don't know why...

I guess I deserve all of this though... In the end, it always is my fault...

Don't worry though, I remember the promise you made me, so I'm not worried if I do end it. At least I know you'll be able to move on. Just use your hate towards me, just keep blaming me and you'll be fine. I just hope one day someone will make you happy. That's all I ever wanted, was for you to be happy.

I miss seeing you smile more than anything.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to kill myself 3 times now.
First time I was drunk and I saw the bracelet and collar you made me... It brought back happy memories and I cried myself to sleep.
Second time Mitchell and his girlfriend had to rush to my house to stop me. I had the blade in my hand and everything...
Third time I had the razor in my hand, ready to end it, but again your bracelet and collar caught my eyes and I ended up carving my arm...